


After the Stalemate

by celiaxan



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Attempt at Humor, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Pining, What I like to call the, angst but it isn't even angst it's just shuichi being dramatic, chess au, gay wind, half chat fic too bc i can't write shit normally, my friend said this is fluff so, shuichi is an OVERDRAMATIC bitch, the people of chess.com rly helped me with this, trial 6 shuichi fans come get your food, very romantic 7-11 meeting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:06:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29055603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celiaxan/pseuds/celiaxan
Summary: One of the white pawns had been moved forward.At first, it seemed ridiculous. For all Shuichi knew, this could’ve been an accidental move, or perhaps even an extraordinarily strong wind.Still, the chess set hadn’t been moved for weeks, what sparked this? What inspired this movement?And more importantly, should he move a piece in return?...Shuichi supposed it wouldn’t hurt to just move one pawn back on the black side.OR:the overdramatic shuichi with phantom thief parallels in a coffee shop you didn't know you needed
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 20
Kudos: 95





	After the Stalemate

**Author's Note:**

> ALSKDJFALSKJ HAPPY SECRET SHUICHI RUAN IM SORRY YOUR GIFT WAS LIKE A MONTH LATE OMG everyone go check out @asukatweets on insta, their shit is cool
> 
> to everyone else: um hi ig :/ /j
> 
> this was a prompt for spicing up coffee shop aus by author kurikuri on tumblr

Down the street, three turns to the left, and in the increasingly suspicious alleyway, there was a coffee shop. Or a cafe. Honestly, Shuichi still wasn’t quite sure. You think they’d explain during orientation, but nope! Apparently, if you have all the required stats (and by that, they mean being at the legal age to work with decent insurance), then you’re all set to go. Even if your attitude was complete shit, with your personality being just  _ slightly _ inappropriate for a local coffee shop (or cafe), they’d still accept you (Shuichi knew that from personal experience with his coworker Miu).

Nevertheless, the shop was considered a safe space for him. With the LGBTQ work-friendly environment (the shop was named LGBTea for a reason) and the beautiful scenery (you think that the sunlight wouldn’t reflect colorful spots of light in the back of an abandoned alleyway,  _ but it does _ ), the place quickly became a place of comfort for him. 

Also, his boss didn’t require him to interact with customers as long as he took over the drink making and cleaning. 

That was a huge plus. 

Despite being in an obscure place, the shop had plenty of customers. Most of them being anxiety-ridden teenagers. That was what spawned what Shuichi called ‘The Board Game Movement’. 

“Think!” Shuichi’s boss, Rantaro, encouraged at their weekly ‘How do we raise more money guys’ meeting, tapping a pointer on a whiteboard that he had somehow managed to fit into the ridiculously small break room, “Teenagers are our main source of income for this shop, what will help convince them to come back?”

Rantaro was one of the main reasons for Shuichi taking this job. He was his best friend and was already very influential in the business world despite his age.

“No offense, but like-” Miu started, “Okay, actually no.  _ Full offense  _ you old bitch, but  _ we _ are teenagers. We know what we like. Literally, just get better fucking wifi, and they’ll flock this place.”

Rantaro ignored her, “Yes, Tsumugi?” 

“A shop Instagram?” Tsumugi suggested. 

“That could work,” Rantaro said, writing it down on the whiteboard, “Anyone else?”

And then:

“Who  _ isn’t _ Miu?” 

Shuichi thought a bit in his head, ignoring Miu’s screams of ‘ _ you stupid dipshit _ ’ and ‘ _ this gorgeous girl genius isn’t recognized of her full potential here and it’s all this dickheads fault _ ’. 

“What about…” Shuichi thought out-loud, interrupting Miu before she was able to throw a chair on Rantaro’s head, “Board games?”

There were collective hums of agreement before Rantaro spoke up, “I think that’s exactly what we need. Great job, Shuichi. Any suggestions?”

The next day, a whole cart of assorted games arrived at the shop (including Monopoly, The Game of Life, Connect Four, Jenga, Clue, Checkers, Uno, and Battleship). 

Oh, and a chess set. 

But that was ignored by all the customers who kept choosing the former games mentioned. 

Shuichi sighed, knowing that not many pick-up the rules of chess, and even fewer actually focus on getting good at it. Even so, he can’t help but keep a closer eye on the chess set. And it really wasn’t his fault if his eyes seem to randomly land on the game, or if he likes cleaning near there more. It isn’t! 

He explained that to Rantaro (that observant son of a bitch) after he caught on. 

However, that all changed one afternoon. Shuichi wasn’t sure when it happened, and curse the gods for making it happen on Saturday, one of the busiest days of the week for the shop, but when he was finally excused from his shift, his eyes just happened to land on the chess set (again) and he saw it. 

One of the white pawns had been moved forward. 

At first, it seemed ridiculous. For all Shuichi knew, this could’ve been an accidental move, or perhaps even an extraordinarily strong wind. 

Still, the chess set hadn’t been moved for weeks, what sparked this? What inspired this movement? 

And more importantly, should he move a piece in return?

...

Shuichi supposed it wouldn’t hurt to just move one pawn back on the black side. 

For all he knew, it could’ve just been an accident. 

…

It was not an accident. 

In fact, it keeps happening. 

Every day, at no specific time, a chess piece on the set moves. Sometimes, it’d even happen twice a day. Shuichi cursed himself for not paying attention, swearing that he would stare at the unmoved set without blinking before a customer took his attention. In that split second, the pieces moved. Shuichi was slightly impressed at the chess player’s agility. 

After a few days, Shuichi would get a few (morally questionable) pick-up lines with each chess piece that had moved. 

Pawn moved forward one space? “ _ You know I’d let you play with my pawns anyday _ ”. 

Knight captured their knight? “ _ I lost my knight last round, but I think I just found him again _ ”. 

Shuichi moved his king into a castle? “ _ Maybe next time you could move into my castle _ ”. 

The pick-up lines were written on colorful sticky notes and always had small doodles on the side. Whether it be hearts, a rocket, questionable bears-  _ is that a cow? _ \- there was always something. Never plain! Shuichi concluded that he had to either be playing an annoyingly good middle schooler that thought breaking hearts is the equivalent to saying ‘SIKE’ at the end of fulfilling an oreo dare or a bratty high schooler. 

He couldn’t wait to find out. 

Then it struck him. Of course, how did he not think of it sooner? The perfect plan! 

Shuichi ran to the break room. 

“Oh-! Hey Shuichi,” Rantaro said, catching him in the middle of rummaging through the break room cabinets, “What are you doing?” 

“Do you know where Miu put the cameras?” Shuichi asked without greeting Rantaro (he didn’t need small talk, he needed answers), “She fixed them, right?” 

Rantaro blinked, “Uh- yes, she did. I’m almost afraid to ask, but why do you want those now?” 

“Yes,” Shuichi replied absentmindedly, “Do you mind if I put them up now?”

“Like- now  _ now _ ?” Rantaro checked, and Shuichi nodded, “Yeah, I don’t mind. By the way, I was looking for you earlier. Me and a couple of friends from school are going to the arcade. We could really use another person, player-wise. Also, I have someone I want you to meet, I think y’all would get along great. His name is Ko-”

Shuichi sighed. He wanted to go, but he had things to do, bratty chess players to find! “Cameras aren’t going to hang themselves.”

“...Right. Well, have fun!” 

And oh. He did. 

Shuichi decided to place the cameras behind some plants that were there as decorations on the top shelf. The perfect plan. Hidden by the fake leaves (but not as fake as Rantaro’s amusement with the situation), there was little to nothing stopping his trap. 

That night, Shuichi laughed to himself about his clever plan. (And no, he was not going crazy) 

The next day was antsy. Shuichi tried to conceal his excitement by deliberately looking anywhere but the chess set. Which proved to be quite the task. However, there were tons of customers (for some reason, there were a bit more than usual) that did their task of distracting him and after closing up, Miu hit him over the head. 

“Hey dipshit,” Miu greeted. Shuichi didn’t know why more people don’t talk to her and her way with words that made them sound  _ so pleasant _ , “Some twink came to me and asked me to give this to you. I would’ve told them to get lost and do it themself, but I couldn’t say no when they were looking at me with those... _ piercing eyes _ ~” 

“Do I need to hear this?” Shuichi asked, grabbing the piece of paper in Miu’s hands. Another colorful sticky note, this one was bright pink. 

_ “Cameras? Really, chess dude? You think I’m as foolish as to slip up to something like that? I sure am flattered you want to know who I am, but you’ve got to try a lot harder than that! xoxo - The Chess Joker _

_ PS can you move my piece for me? I want to move my bishop on A4 to capture your knight on C6. Thanks a lot! Until next time  _ ♥️ _ ” _

“Ha!” Miu laughed while reading behind Shuichi, “The Chess Joker? That’s the lamest nickname I’ve ever heard in my life!” 

However, Shuichi didn’t hear this. He was too concerned about his failed footage. What now? Does he watch it anyway? He supposed he couldn’t have caught the moment this exchange was made. After all, it seems this person is more crafty than Shuichi originally thought. 

Wait...exchange…

“QUICK! MIU!” Shuichi shouted at the unsuspecting girl, “WHAT DID THEY LOOK LIKE?”

“AAH~!” Shuichi didn’t want to think about what kind of noise that was, “I-I MEAN,” Miu stuttered while twirling her hair, “If you want to know so badly I’ll tell you, but don’t scream at me like that~” 

“Goddammit,” Shuichi cussed, “Stop making this weird.”

“Well, I don’t fucking know! I-I don’t remember. Why do you care so much anyway?” 

Something in Shuichi shook. Why  _ did _ he care so much?

This was just a stranger (that nicknamed themself “The Chess Joker” unironically). He shouldn’t care ( _ but he does _ ). Was it the (albeit horrible) pick-up lines? Was the attention whore in himself finally shining through? His competitive spirit being fulfilled? The thrill of the mystery? 

In a way, he felt special. To have noticed in the first place, and to have an interesting opponent. From a young age, he grew to love chess. So if this is his fabled Wattpad moment, he’d gladly take it. The people of Reddit would never believe him, but perhaps Tumblr would. 

Then: realization. 

“Wait…” Shuichi muttered as the thought came to him, “How do  _ you _ know about my chess situation?”

Miu, baffled, snorted, “Who  _ doesn’t _ know about your chess situation?”

Shuichi blinked, “...What?”

“Haven’t you fucking heard?” Miu spat, taking her phone out and scrolling through it, then aggressively shoving it in Shuichi’s face, “Rantaro made a whole post about it on the cafe’s Twitter account. Why do you think no one is messing with the chess set? Why do you think there’s been more customers?”

And as Shuichi read, he confirmed that to be true. 

“A little bitchy and unnecessary if you ask me, but if it’s for the good of the shop...” Miu continued, but Shuichi wasn’t listening. He was too wrapped up in his own thoughts about the situation. 

Curses! For his best friend has already become internet famous for a post he starred in. The betrayal to take this moment and run with it without his consent! Shuichi made a mental note to search on Wikihow later about how to claim back a post that should rightfully be his.

“Oh, by the way,” Miu said, one of the phrases that actually got through to Shuichi, “What are you going to do next?” 

“...Huh?” Shuichi feigned ignorance, not knowing how any of this was her business. 

“Like d-don’t let your small dick self get all conceited!” Miu shouted all of a sudden, “I’m only asking so I can tell Rantaro to update the post!” 

_ Ah,  _ Shuichi thought,  _ this  _ isn’t  _ any of her business. _

Wanting to set it straight, but lacking the courage, Shuichi laughed softly, “Well I guess you’ll just have to see then.”

On the outside: the presence of a graceful introvert. On the inside: war. 

_ BITCHHHHH!! WHO DOES THAT BLONDE SKANK THINK SHE IS- she’s got a good point though, what am I going to do next- I’LL SHOW HER A NEW ONE, PUNT HER INTO THE SUN, SEE IF SHE LIKES THAT- ah, I could always just keep playing and start responding- MAYBE SHE WOULDN’T SAY MUCH IF HER HEAD IS ON MY WALL. _

“Ahaha, wait a second. Miu,” Shuichi called, trying not to look too pissed off, “Could you actually pass a note to the uh...the….Chess Joker.”

Miu shook from holding in her laugh, “I can’t believe you actually used that name.”

Shuichi ignored her and instead took out some loose notebook paper.

_ “Hey, there ‘Chess Joker’. Just because I’m writing to you doesn’t mean I haven’t stopped trying to figure out who you are. And just so you know, I intend on winning this chess match.  _

_ If you’re the Chess Joker, then you can call me the Chess Detective.” _

At this, Miu actually started wheezing, “HOOOOOLY SHIT, THAT’S THE FUNNIEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE,” Miu turned around all dramatic-like, and posed, Shuichi decided it was a sign of mocking, “ _ If you’re the Chess Joker, then you can call me the Chess Detective. _ ”

Shuichi considered the pros and cons of punching Miu right there and then. 

Miu, still laughing, continued, wiping tears from her face, “Holy fuck, you guys are perfect for each other.”

To come to work every day and endure this- this  _ harassment _ \- he’s ought to be paid extra for this bullshit. 

That night, Shuichi took out the old whiteboard that he hadn’t used since he wanted to look aesthetic in his middle school years. Him and his blue expo markers were the only sounds he could hear as he drew some connections. It seemed that this mystery person is most likely a guy, seeing as Miu called them a twink, but Shuichi didn’t want to assume. Miu is about as credible as a source as fandom wikis. 

She probably didn’t even know them, but they definitely know Rantaro, especially if they were a regular in the cafe. 

_ Talk to Rantaro _ was written at the bottom of the whiteboard next to a few drawn lines. He wondered if Tsumugi knew anything about this person. 

“Shuichi!” his aunt yelled from the kitchen, “Time to go to sleep!” 

“I don’t need sleep, I need answers!”

Shuichi went to sleep.

The days continued as their own, except now Shuichi was responding just as much as the pick-up lines came (Shuichi’s favorite being: “I’ve never seen a beauty such as you b4” when he moved his bishop to B4). They were nearing the final steps, and Shuichi still had no idea how this opponent played. Every so often, they’d make a move that would be a complete blunder if it didn’t eventually take one of his pieces three moves later. 

It didn’t seem like he was playing to win either, based on all the sacrifices he was making that usually resulted in a knight for a knight, a pawn for a pawn, etc. With this in mind, Shuichi couldn’t help but wonder why. What was their motive for playing? What were they trying to accomplish?

Maybe they were trying to get famous, seeing how Rantaro tries to “subtly” ask Shuichi how the match is going (and getting no answer) yet still somehow (correctly) updating the post. Suspicious, Shuichi decided, thinking that the opponent must be telling Rantaro everything. That or Shuichi wasn’t as good at keeping things under the wraps as he thought he was. 

At that, his phone buzzed with a notification. From Rantaro, of course. Why his own boss was texting him in the middle of his shift, he will never know. 

> Rantaro: so uh,,, Chess Detective huh?

> Shuichi: shut

> Shuichi: also you’re way too late, miu already made fun of me for that a week ago

> Rantaro: i’m not making fun of you !!

> Rantaro: it’s just,,,

> Rantaro: ,,,Chess Detective

> Shuichi: this is homophobic

> Rantaro: why are you texting during your shift

> Shuichi: YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TEXTED ME FIRST

> Rantaro: i don’t like your tone with me young man

> Shuichi: wait how did you know about chess detective

> Rantaro: oop looks like i gtg bye

> Shuichi: rantaro

> Shuichi: rantaro

> Shuichi: you bitch i can see you reading this

> Shuichi: h 

> Shuichi: i know you’re still reading from your notifications

> Shuichi: i expect a pay raise for this shit

“Excuse me? Can I get one chicken nugget?” a customer ordered, but Shuichi was too preoccupied in his own thoughts to even notice who the customer was, and what they wanted. Besides, it was almost  _ that  _ time. 

“Miu,” Shuichi grumbled out the name, calling her, motioning to take the order for him.

“Yeah yeah, I know,” she angrily whispered back. 

And by  _ tha _ t time, he meant the time where the Chess Joker came. Over the last few days, the Chess Joker’s visits and plays had come consistently around the same time, and Shuichi was right once again about the estimated time of arrival.

Yes, he was using that name even though it caused him great pain. 

Oh, how hilarious it was that Shuichi couldn’t help but get excited when he saw the neatly folded post-it note (this time with glitter). 

And it only hit him when he carefully unfolded it, not feeling himself smile at the lightness of the words, the playfulness of the drawings. When he looked at himself in the mirror, it was like looking into the scene of a teenage rom-com, coming of age movie where the protagonist goes-  _ oh no _ \- and notices something dire. That was when the slight hotness of his face finally registered, and Shuichi confirmed that yes, indeed. 

_ Oh no.  _

He’s played himself. 

> Rantaro: so let me get this straight

> Shuichi: there’s nothing str8 abt this situation

> Rantaro: you somehow didn’t see this coming?

> Miu: OMFGGGG THIS ABSOLUTE SHOUJO PROTAGONIST

> Shuichi: no, not rly

> Tsumugi: I thought this group chat was supposed to be for work purposes?

> Rantaro: well tsu tsu i’m your boss 

> Rantaro: and i say no

> Rantaro: so no

> Tsumugi: I’m muting. 

> Rantaro: well i got rid of one of them !!

> Miu: K so are we gonna run thru what shuichi said or what

> Shuichi: it’s just

> Shuichi: this was just supposed to be a haha yeah? like a post that i could make to get famous so people in the comments can go r/thathappened and then i go and ruin it all 

> Miu: ya lost me

> Shuichi: well tbh i’m still half-convinced that this is all fake

> Shuichi: like a person my age who likes chess and he has a personality to parallel mine? nope no way

> Miu: wait how tf did u kno-

> Miu: the age and pronouns and shit

> Shuichi: rantaro told me

> Rantaro: yeah

> Miu: are

> Miu: are we??? 

> Shuichi: what

> Miu: ugh nvm

> Miu: you were saying?

> Shuichi: yeah anyways i’m not convinced this is real, for all i know, i could just be playing some really weird person who apparently likes to make up new personalities to catfish unsuspecting bi boys through chess 

> Shuichi: and i know that sounds far fetched, but it’s too coincidence-y for my liking

> Miu: …

> Miu: i think

> Miu: and stay with me here, I THINK

> Miu: you might be overthinking

> Shuichi: nahhhh

> Rantaro: i think that you two have a shift tomorrow morning and should be going to bed

> Miu: ew okay mom

> Rantaro: i would rather play ddr six times consecutively than have you as my child

> Tsumugi: And back out I go. 

It was nearing the end of their chess match. Shuichi didn’t have a lot of pieces left, but neither did the Chess Joker. He had figured out the opponent’s playing style. Rather than trying to defend his king, the Chess Joker pursued Shuichi’s pieces instead. 

But that implies that he really never was playing to win to begin with. 

He was purposely playing for a stalemate. 

_ Why? _

Shuichi wanted to know why, why wasn’t he playing to win, why had he missed the opportunity to checkmate Shuichi earlier, why was he doing this in the first place?

It seemed like the Chess Joker wanted to reach a stalemate when it was only their two kings left on the wide board. Shuichi would just have to use that to his advantage. 

That’s when he froze. 

_ Why...would I do that? _

There were essentially two choices here, continue playing his opponent with the intention of completely destroying them, or...assisting them in the stalemate. 

And Shuichi had no idea what he was thinking- not even why he was thinking that- but it was exciting. Heartwarming almost. He knew what he had to do.

Days melted into weeks of back and forth, and with tests, responses were getting less and less.

Soon, the disguise of trying to keep up with it all slipped through when Shuichi’s opponent took his queen (his last playable piece other than his king!) with such ease, with something that Shuichi should’ve realized when he played it. 

_ “Stalemate. Good game. _ ”

That was it. It was all over. Finally, this chess match was over. In a tie, no less. A tie that Shuichi himself initiated. He didn’t regret any of that, so why…

He subconsciously crumbled the note in his hand. 

Why was he disappointed? 

Was it wrong to want more? 

“Yo! Shuichi!” Miu called. 

“What do you want? I’m trying to mourn,” Shuichi muttered back angrily. 

“Yeah yeah whatever, it’s just: you sure you don’t want to check the back of the note before heading to your imaginary funeral?” Miu commented. 

_ Huh? _

Shuichi smoothed out the note to notice that there was more writing on the back. 

His face heated up from his idiocy. He hoped the cameras didn’t catch his overreaction. 

“You’re welcome,” Miu mused, and then clocked out, “Close up shop for me. Later!” 

Shuichi waved goodbye to Miu and proceeded to calm his heart rate before continuing. 

_ “That’s a lie! You can’t think that’s all I had to say, huh? That’d be so anti-climatic! Boring too, booooo. Here’s my number! (XXX-XXX-XXXX) Or is that another lie? Hmmmm, guess you’ll have to text me to find out!”  _

This time, Shuichi immediately identified the warm feeling on his face and groaned. He was in trouble. But he’d also be damn stupid if he didn’t take this chance. 

So he let himself self-indulge, even if it wasn’t worth it in the long run. 

Just this once. 

Maybe. 

> Shuichi: is this the chess joker

> Unknown Number: noooope !! must be a wrong number !!

> Unknown Number: that’s a lie !! 

> Unknown Number: ‘tis I the Chess Joker, at your service

> Shuichi: yeah

> Chess Joker: :T

> Chess Joker: that’s not funnnnn, you’re supposed to introduce yourself as well now! 

> Shuichi: ah but don’t you already know who i am???

> Chess Joker: yeah but it’s more fun when you do

> Shuichi: alright then, i’m the Chess Detective

> Shuichi: pleased to meet your acquaintance 

> Chess Joker: wow we have ourselves a dictionary snob here

> Shuichi: ...that’s just the word acquaintance

> Chess Joker: AND YOU SPELLED IT RIGHT

> Chess Joker: TWICE

> Shuichi: yeah anyways

> Shuichi: do you have an actual name for me to call you by?

> Chess Joker: no unfortunately i don’t have a name

> Chess Joker: that was a lie! 

> Chess Joker i don’t want to give you my name tho :P

> Shuichi: why not…?

> Chess Joker: well isn’t it more fun to imagine us as rivals in a grand scheme of thievery, you chasing me down buildings of a bustling city, only for me to escape thanks to my brilliantly timed pick up lines, which leave both of us equally flustered

> Shuichi: . 

> Chess Joker: i mean it’s fine if you’re not into it, it’s only my biggest fantasy, WHATEVER

> Chess Joker: online chess? :D

Shuichi didn’t sleep that night. 

It was worth it though, looking back at their conversation topics. He asked about their favorite colors (purple), dream job (professional entertainer (no, wait that was a lie, he wanted to major in theatre)), favorite ice cream flavor (‘i just can’t pick only one, y’know’). 

Honestly, by the time it was morning, it felt like a smack in the face. Talking to the Chess Joker really did feel so effortless that every ‘one more chess match’ turned into more than one more. A lot more. Shuichi kept scrolling through their conversation until something caught his eye. 

_ Oh… _ Shuichi thought as his face turned bright red,  _ I don’t remember this… _

> Shuichi: so why did you purposely decide to play stalemate?

> Chess Joker: i did no such thing !! i always play to win >:3

> Shuichi: ,,but that’s a lie?

> Chess Joker: wow !! you’re actually decoding my lies :DDD

> Chess Joker: gotta say, i’m impressed

> Chess Joker: but yeah, i was playing for a stalemate

> Shuichi: why?

> Shuichi: there was no reason

> Chess Joker: incorrect !! >:(

> Chess Joker: there  _ is _ a reason! 

> Chess Joker: you see

> Chess Joker: if i played to my strengths and purposely tried to win, then the game would’ve ended too soon

> Shuichi: huh?

> Chess Joker: i wanted to play with you longer

> Chess Joker: every time i come in, you’re always staring at that chessboard

> Shuichi: are you okay? you’ve been typing for a while now,,,

> Chess Joker: yup ! my cat ran on my keyboard whoopssss

> Chess Joker: that’s a lie !! i don’t even have a cat

> Shuichi: did you mean what you said tho?

> Chess Joker: about wanting to play with you longer? ofc i did! 

> Chess Joker: i’m not a dirty liar ;P

> Shuichi: why me?

> Chess Joker: hmmm didn’t you say your dream job is a detective?

> Chess Joker: then you’ll have to figure it out yourself mr. detective~

“Why the hell are you this red at 9 AM in the morning?” Miu interrupted Shuichi’s reading, and he (very) ‘subtly’ slammed his phone on the table. Miu raised an eyebrow. 

“No reason,” Shuichi replied (very subtly). 

“You’re not slick at all,” Miu said, and Shuichi absolutely disagreed. 

“I forgot you were at this school,” Shuichi muttered, “It seems it was too good to be true.”

“Whatever,” Miu replied, slipping into the seat across from Shuichi, “Tell?”

“No.”

“Sucks,” Miu turned around, and Shuichi realized what she was doing too late, “Rantaro!!” 

“I’m going to kill you one of these days,” Rantaro finally said when he got closer, and even Shuichi could hear how empty a threat that was. 

“Yeah but--” Miu started before coming to a stop, and the two exchanged a barrage of questionable glances that Shuichi chose to ignore. In high school drama, ignorance was bliss. If anything, Shuichi hated gossip to the point where he would just act stupid. 

This was no different, “Hm?”

“Nothing,” Miu dismissed, and Shuichi almost sighed in relief out loud. 

> Chess Joker: what do you think happens after a stalemate ?

> Shuichi: what do you mean?

> Chess Joker: like we know what happens when one side wins after chess

> Chess Joker: murder, imperialism, explosions, blah blah whatever but like what happens after a stalemate?

> Chess Joker: nothing’s left except for a few soldiers at times, which makes things awkward, but they’ve got you cornered, basically left to surrender

> Chess Joker: but what about when there’s just two kings left?

> Chess Joker: what happens after the stalemate

> Shuichi: nothing wholesome probably

> Chess Joker: oh rly? who knows, maybe they were using war to cope with their unresolved sexual tension

> Chess Joker: enemies to lovers except they’re kings and kinda stupid

> Chess Joker: slow burn, 500k+ words

“Are you even listening?” Rantaro asked, and Shuichi finally realized that no, he was not in a safe place reading past messages. He was actually talking to Rantaro. 

“Yes?” Shuichi tried, and Rantaro looked unconvinced. 

“Anyways,” Rantaro continued, flipping his hair all dramatic-like, “Can you hang out today? Arcade?”

> Chess Joker: AND YOU SAID NO ?? ? ?

> Shuichi: yeah

> Chess Joker: mmmmmmmmok

> Chess Joker: listen kid

> Chess Joker: get a hobby, like i know u have friends, but do u just have like,,, no hobbies?

> Shuichi: don’t call me kid

> Shuichi: also why

> Chess Joker: it’s just

> Chess Joker: i haven’t seen you anywhere other than that coffee shop and occasionally school when rantaro forces u to talk to him

> Shuichi: your point?

> Chess Joker: you have no life 

> Chess Joker: go out !! get some sun !!

> Shuichi: who r you and what have you done to my chess partner

> Chess Joker: ur like a shut-in !

> Chess Joker: do it, it’s healthyyyy

> Shuichi: no

> Chess Joker: ok,, chess? :D

> Shuichi: YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

> Shuichi: his voice,,, is like so cute

> Shuichi: like especially his stupid little laugh he does like five times a minute

> Shuichi: like whenever he’s up to something, you know it’s going down, bc those laughs will just start coming consecutively

> Shuichi: AND THE WAY HE SAID GOOD NIGHT TO ME,, !!!

> Tsumugi: I still don’t understand why you guys use the work chat instead of creating your own... 

> Miu: let the man SPEAK tsutsu

> Shuichi: AND AAALSKDJLFKAS LIKE HIS ANALYTICAL SKILLS? 

> Shuichi: LIKE-

> Shuichi: ‘nishishi sorry mr. detective~ you aren’t getting away with that one…’

> Shuichi: OHHHH MY GOD

> Rantaro: what else did you do today

> Shuichi: uhhhh work? i think?

> Miu: “i think”

> Rantaro: tell me why the fuck we’re listening to shuichi ramble about his chess bf

> Tsumugi: FINALLY

> Tsumugi: THANK YOU

> Shuichi: okay first of all fuck you tsumugi

> Shuichi: second, we aren’t dating

> Miu: yet

> Rantaro: yet 

> Tsumugi: Yet. 

> Shuichi: third, it’s bc he called me,,, and we played chess until like 3 am,,,

> Shuichi: and his voice was cute,,,

> Rantaro: are u sure we’re talking about the same person

> Shuichi: what

> Rantaro: nothing

> Shuichi: h e ,,

> Rantaro: ok then tell him that?

> Shuichi: aha no

> Miu: wtf why

> Shuichi: there’s this deep innate fear within me

> Shuichi: it’s really stupid but uhh

> Shuichi: i don’t think he’s real?? like isn’t it rly suspicious how this person already knew rantaro and wanted to start playing with  _ me _ directly?? he could’ve just talked to me normally

> Miu: would u have talked with him had he come to “talk with you normally”

> Shuichi: well

> Shuichi: no

> Shuichi: but it’s weird how similar they are to rantaro tho,, what if they’re the same person

> Miu: …

> Miu: aaaaand we’ve lost him

> Shuichi: I’M NOT CRAZY 

> Shuichi: I AM BEING GENUINE 

> Miu: you’re overthinking again

> Miu: you’ve heard his voice?

> Shuichi: voice changers exist

> Rantaro: is that everything you’ve done

> Shuichi: yeah pretty much

> Rantaro: oh my god 

> Rantaro: get a hobby

Shuichi froze. 

> Rantaro: you have legit no life 

> Rantaro: go outside, touch the grass, get some sun

He had no idea what he’d done, but karma really was a bitch. 

> Miu: OHHHH GET ROASTED

> Rantaro: i legit tell this to my other friend all the time lol he’s the same as u

> Rantaro: it wasn’t a roast, i’m just trying to give some friendly advice yknow

> Rantaro: anyways shuichi you better take that advice to heart

> Rantaro: like u know i give the best advice and only the best advice smh

> Rantaro: ???

> Rantaro: shuichi?? 

> Miu: good job, i knew it was going to happen one day damn, u drove him off nut job

> Rantaro: stfu miu

> Rantaro: shuichi? 

> Rantaro: ,,,hello ??

Shuichi ran. 

He didn’t know where he was running, but honestly, he didn’t care. His aunt shot him a look on his way out the door which read: ‘oh my god, time for this hormonal teenager’s sixteenth breakdown of the day’. He knew he deserved it. 

It was windy, but it wasn’t cold, fueling strength for Shuichi’s twig legs as he ran away. He could feel his phone buzz every-so-often in the small compartment of his jacket, probably just a barrage of texts and calls from Rantaro (and some from Miu) for leaving mid-conversation. They were worried, he knew, but somehow that made him a bit angrier. 

Finally, he stopped running at the local 7-11. Usually, it was bustling with customers, but now it was empty. Which was reasonable, considering how it was almost midnight. 

Shuichi ignored the shady ass customers (who were probably looking for depressed teenagers to sell weed to) and stopped outside the doors. The cool night air did wonders, and Shuichi soon regretted his actions internally. 

_ Oh my god, why did I run out? _

He overreacted again. Rantaro isn’t even going to be surprised. Miu probably bet on it. He decided his only friend is Tsumugi, who probably didn’t care enough about this situation to begin with. 

His phone buzzed again, and Shuichi felt too guilty not to answer it. 

“Hey Rantaro,” Shuichi grumbled like a miserable child that finally realized their faults, “I’m sorry I walked out, I guess I was just scared? Or this is another one of my dramatic moments. Either way, I’m sorry, and I’m fine, stop worrying. I’m at a random 7-11.” 

He sighed and looked up, blinking rapidly, not wanting to cry in front of a gas station. 

The reaction wasn’t expected. First: laughing. Primal rage filled his veins before the caller spoke, “Cool, but I’m not Rantaro.”

Shuichi wanted to move far away, so he could rip out all of his hair slowly. 

“Thanks though! That gave me a real ego boost, considering how Rantaro’s suuuper pretty, and actually uh- tall.”

“Why’d you call,  _ Chess Joker _ ?” Shuichi asked, not knowing whether the name was mockery or sarcasm at this point. 

“Why don’t  _ you _ tell  _ me _ what happened!” the Chess Joker exclaimed, “Do you know how worrying it was to get a stressed call from old Ran-ran this late at night telling me that his dear friend has gone missing? Why, I was super distressed, just so you know!” 

“...That’s a lie?” Shuichi tried, mentally stable enough to pick that out. 

“Yup!” he confirmed, giggling his ~~cute~~ stupid little nishishi, “To be honest, I didn’t care until he told me it was you, my dear detective.” 

“How noble,” Shuichi replied, entertaining the joke. 

“In all seriousness though, what happened? If you don’t mind saying, that is.”

Shuichi hummed, “My thoughts got the best of me. I can’t help but be suspicious, and I hate that feeling so much. Now that I think back on it, it was pretty stupid.”

The Chess Joker laughed, Shuichi forgot what anything else sounded like, “I’m sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. I bet it wasn’t that stupid though?”

Making a non-committal noise, Shuichi continued, “I had a theory that you and Rantaro are the same person.” 

This time, he didn’t hold back at all, “Nishishi! Wait- seriously?”

Shuichi made another sound, signaling confirmation. He pleaded for mercy and wanted the earth to swallow him whole, “It got worse when you guys said the same exact thing to me.”

“What? Oh, the go and get a life thing? That was meant lightheartedly, by the way,” Shuichi muttered something that somewhat resembled a yes, “That’s because Ran-ran actually says that to me all the time! He’s like an older brother to me, and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

Shuichi’s mind mentally uttered out an ‘oh’. This was embarrassing. 

“And don’t get me wrong,” the Chess Joker continued, and Shuichi wanted everything to stop, “I’m super flattered. Again, Rantaro’s pretty. And tall. Pretty tall.”

A pause.

“Send me your location.”

A sharp pain hit Shuichi’s neck, searing before cooling into his skin.

“Yo,” Shuichi heard the voice as he reached behind his neck, finding a Sprite, “I didn’t know which one you liked.”

A crack, and then some gulping, Shuichi feared turning around. 

It was stupid, it really was, but courage was a word long gone from his vocabulary at this point. 

“Thanks,” was all he could say, voice coming out as barely a whisper, “For the soda. I do like Sprite.” 

A familiar chuckle came from behind him, “Basic.”

“I did  _ not _ want you to come here just so you could slander my favorite soda brand.”

“Oh, you  _ wanted _ me to come here, huh?”

Silence. 

Pure misery. 

_ Why did I say that?! _

“Hey,” Shuichi didn’t want to answer, “Hey, look at me.”

Shuichi almost didn’t. Oh, and he wished he didn’t. What would’ve happened after he didn’t? Would things have been awkward? He probably would’ve had to play dead. No, but then an ambulance would’ve been called. Either way, he looked over impulsively. 

“Nishishi!” the Chess Joker laughed, “Now, you won’t think I’m Rantaro, riiiight?”

And if Shuichi was suddenly told he had the ability to freeze time, he definitely would not in the split moment their eyes caught. That was embarrassing, and he wanted to move to Antarctica. 

“Well, no,” Shuichi continued, then nodded, “Now I think you’re Miu.”

“Oh, shut up,” he said, pushing Shuichi playfully, “Kokichi.”

“What?”

“Kokichi. Kokichi Ouma. That’s my name.”

“Shuichi.”

~~The Chess Joker~~ Kokichi scoffed, “Yeah, I know, you idiot.”

“What?”

“Remember when I said that every time I came in, you’re always staring at that chessboard?” Kokichi asked, and Shuichi wondered why the hell he brought that up. 

“Yes…?”

“Well,” Kokichi said, twirling his hair, flustered into his scarf. It was obvious he was still trying to look cool, but was probably going to melt into the ground at any second, “It’s because every single time, I almost wished you looked at me like that.”

And now that Shuichi wasn’t just embarrassed to the point he was looking anywhere but Kokichi, he looked closer. He was cute. 

“Seriously!” Kokichi exclaimed, scaring Shuichi slightly, “Do you know how aggravating it is to walk into a coffee shop- that your friend owns, by the way- and actually  _ paying  _ for the coffee? How frustrating it is that you pick out all of your cute outfits- subconsciously, of course- just so the cute barista would notice you? And he doesn’t even notice you! Because of a chessboard!” 

“You’re rambling,” Shuichi thought out-loud. 

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.”

“No, it’s just... it’s cute.”

Kokichi dug even further into his scarf, “Shut up! I’m done yet! Anyways, I asked Miu what to do- my first mistake- who blabbed about it to Rantaro, who wanted to turn it into a coffee shop advertising method. Bitch would turn anything into a business exploit, even my own love life. Anyways, I agreed- my second mistake- and three thousand chess matches later, here we are.” 

“Here we are indeed, Chess Joker,” Shuichi teased. 

“That was Rantaro’s idea!! I had no part in it at all, swearsies.”

“But that was-?”

“A lie!” Kokichi finished, pulling one finger to his mouth, “You catch on really quick! Though I am kind of surprised that you matched…”

“So you’re telling me Rantaro and Miu were in on this?” Shuichi mumbled. 

“No...maybe...okay, yeah,” Kokichi said, each word coming slower than the last, “You’re telling me you didn’t notice?”

“I tend to not care about the affairs of my fellow gays.”

“Fellow…?” Kokichi repeated, leading off to something as if he still hadn’t realized he said it out loud. 

Shuichi looked at him, exasperated, “I work at a coffee shop named LGBTea? I have a bi pride pin on my work outfit? I’m literally wearing rainbow vans right now?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t know if it was for the aesthetic or if you were…” Kokichi flipped his wrist, “That was a lie! I’m not that stupid, yeah…”

A pause. A mere break in the wind, enough to carry away a whisper. It softly landed around the two, their hair blowing across their face due to the pure strength of one single wind. When it finally cleared, Shuichi found Kokichi smiling, like he knew a secret that the other didn’t. 

“It was a bitch to learn chess in less than a week, you know,” Kokichi whispered, and Shuichi’s eyes widened when he finally realized the underlying message, “In any other world, they would call us nerds. But  _ you _ can call me later.”

And Shuichi wished he didn’t get flustered at such a stupid line, but- oh, who was he kidding, he was totally fucked. He turned around, only to find Kokichi was already walking away. 

“Kokichi!” Shuichi called out, louder than intended. Now other people were involved in this  _ very romantic _ gas station meeting. 

Kokichi waved him off, trying to seem like the cool male lead of a badly directed chick flick, even though there was absolutely no way he could come back after saying his last line. 

“Kokichi,” Shuichi tried again, not liking how people were starting to stare with their unworthy eyes. 

“Awww, don’t tell me you’ve actually fallen for me or something!” 

“No, it’s just-” Shuichi sighed, “I don’t actually know where I am. Can you give me a ride home?” 

“...”

Moment? Ruined. 

But at least Shuichi finally found Kokichi’s stash of sticky notes he kept in his driver’s compartment. 

My Chess Joker hey

My Chess Joker: hey

My Chess Joker: hey

Your Chess Detective: we are. literally in class

My Chess Joker: yeah but i just wanted to say that yesterday was fun <3

Your Chess Detective: it’s not going to be so fun anymore when you fail your chem test

My Chess Joker: alskdjflaksd you WOUND me Mr. Detective,,

Your Chess Detective: ,,,i had fun too <3

My Chess Joker: ASLDKFLASKEFHaSFD

My Chess Joker: check

Your Chess Detective: ??? check what ???

My Chess Joker: check yourself bby bc ur about to get mated.

Your Chess Detective: ?

Your Chess Detective: oh. 

My Chess Joker: shumai you good? it’s been five minutes

Rantaro: can you please stop smiling like an idiot at your phone and just say yes already

Rantaro: also what the fuck is that stupid contact name

My Chess Detective: this is fucking slander

Tsumugi: It’s honestly kind of sad at this point…

Your Chess Detective: yeah sorry

My Chess Joker: your answer, my liege?

Your Chess Detective: ,,yes

My Chess Joker: break out the confetti !! woooooo !!

Rantaro: congrats my dude

Miu: YOOOO ABOUT TIMEEEE

Tsumugi: Good job!

Your Chess Detective: do you really have nothing better to do than to snoop in my love life?

Rantaro: then tell kokichi to stop giving us updates bc istg if i have to listen to another gay panic-

My Chess Joker: celebratory chess match after school? 

My Chess Joker: we could like end this one in a stalemate too ahaha yknow like ahaha but it’s not official tho ahaha hint hint

Your Chess Detective: maybe after the stalemate, our two leftover kings can get over their unresolved tension and get together

My Chess Joker: i’d like nothing more <3

**Author's Note:**

> tbh i don't remember writing half of this h  
> the difference between the shuichis in my fanfics is very funny to me  
> BY THE WAY ALL OF THE CHESS PICK UP LINES ARE FROM CHESS.COM 
> 
> my insta: celia.xan (dm or comment for ur request to be accepted)  
> my twitter: celia_xan 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: this is not a self insert


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